Hubby and I had a small argument last night, and I’m trying to process our reactions. It had to do with the series Brothers and Sisters and a comment DH made while we were watching this weeks episode.
The offspring of one of the brothers had been conceived through the donation of sperm by one of the the other two brothers. Up until this episode the brothers had no idea which brother was the sperm donor, but when the conceived child fell ill they needed to find out. So my husband makes the comment, “Oh now that they know which brother it is they better watch out that the wife and donor don’t run off together” WHAT!!!!
Okay, let me start this by saying that I know it was a stupid comment, and I also know that a few glasses of wine had contributed to the STUPIDNESS of this comment. But come on people!!! Needless to say I reacted very badly, he told me I was over reacting and I went to bed.
This morning hubby still maintains that I was overreacting, saying that “It was just a show” Well yes I know that it is just a show, that wasn’t the part that bugged me. It bugged me that we have gone through two DE IVF’s and he can’y understand why that comment would hurt me.
So this morning I am exploring why. I admit it was an overreaction on my part, but it really pushed a button in me. I’m thinking that even though we have come this far down the road, using a donor is still a very sensitive and private topic for me. Yes, I have processed the issues to a certain extend, but I think that some of the my issues can only be dealt with to a point.
For example, I have accepted my ‘fate’ and I’m really grateful for the option, but I’m still sad that I can’t use my eggs. I can never be fully happy about it, and I’ll always wonder why and be little pissed off at the hand I’ve been dealt. Society puts a lot of emphasis on the importance of genetics and I do understand why, but it still seems shallow to me. Maybe, I’m a little pissed off with the norms that society dictates to us. Actually I am…..
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Yeah, it was a very stupid comment!
Remind me to give DJ a little slap tomorrow!! Very very stupid comment!!!
DNA doesn’t maketh a Mother, love does.
That being said I understand the sadness surrounding not being able to use your own eggs.
I’ve always said I would never use Donor Sperm (even tho DH doesn’t seem to have an issue with it) because I have a fear that DH would feel detached from any child we have from Donor Sperm – even though I KNOW he wouldn’t – its all in my head.
I would rather have a child that has none of our DNA (adopt) than only mine BUT those are just my views for US, every couple has to do whats right for them and if I’m honest I’m in awe of any couple who can overcome the psychological issues associated with using Donors.
Maybe he wouldn’t think your reaction was “overreacting” if you were using Donor Sperm?
For the record I don’t think your reaction was over the top….
xx
I’m sorry, but Hubby was out of line. It was a completely insensitive comment.
I am also still angry and sad that I couldn’t use my eggs. I don’t expect it will go away, just gradually get easier to deal with.
I would have freaked out Sian! That episode really struck a few cords in me. Thankfully my DH was sensible enough to just keep his opinions to himself! It’s a very complicated situation and only someone who is faced with the decision to go donor themselves can really understand how it feels. Me thinks your hubby owes you a bunch of flowers and a big apology!
My DH would have been in the dog box for that comment, for sure.
We’ve completely given up watching Brothers & Sisters – it does seems to have a habit of throwing up storylines that are just too close to the bone. I can understand why you’d have been freaked out by that comment.