Last night while lying in bed trying to drift off into sleepy land a thought entered my head.
You know those clothes……
Those baby clothes that are hiding somewhere in a box or cupboard or draw. I’m sure lots of us have them. I have a draw full. It got opened briefly while I was pregnant and it has been closed ever since.
My thought is, when you finally get a baby to put clothes on, will you loose those clothes. I haven’t made a decision yet but for the first time last night I wondered if maybe I shouldn’t.
Should I maybe have fresh – new – happy clothes for the maybe baby. Or should I use the old IVF1 – IVF2 – IVF3 clothes. (There was no clothes buying in IVF4)
Do you know what I mean?
What do you think?
What would you do?
Edited to add: Thanks for the replies. After having put more thought to it I think that it is something that I will only be able to decide later. As in when I am actually pregnant and in the third trimester. However at this moment I am leaning towards keeping a few items in a memory box and donating the rest. But I reserve the right to change my mind.
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I just wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss. I have had a few missed losses and I think they hurt worse than the other early losses because I thought all was well.
I can’t really answer your question about the clothes because I was lucky enough to have successful pregnancies before I was plunged into the hell of infertility. So all clothes had happy memories before they could ever be associated with losses.
I hope your FET goes well and I get to read about a successful pregnancy soon.
{{{Hugs}}} and prayers.
~ICLW
Sian, I would maybe make little momento boxes with chosen items for # 1, #2 and #3 or even just one box for all failed IVF’s.
It is totally up to you whether you want to keep it or not. There’s nothing wrong with keeping it or getting rid of it.
It’s very different to holding onto a passed relatives clothing and items.
You can still use the items, but will you be reminded of the sadness? or do the clothes remind you of the love, hope and happiness for your unborn child?
I would say it depends on the energy you are focusing on those clothes… sadness? or love?
And even if it is sadness… it can always change into the happiness.
I think you already have your answer though. Follow your heart! You know what’s best for you!
I don’t think that is a question I could even dare to answer for another. I have one baby item I bought when I was pregnant over three years ago. I miscarried, and now can’t stand to look at the thing, so I have hidden it from myself. Still, I can’t stand to throw it out. It is the only thing from that baby that I will ever have.
I am so sorry for your loss.
I gave them away when we decided to adopt. It helped me let go of the idea of a newborn and prepare for the possibility of a 6-12 month old that I can’t plan for. I gave away all the baby stuff we had, now we just have a baby book for adopted children.
I’m so sorry. I think the clothes might be a reminder of your losses, but you ultimately know what’s the best answer for yourself. Keep your head up.
~Michelle (ICLW)
I would keep them tucked away in the box to use when the baby does eventually arrive. I never bought any baby clothes for cycles, but I did make pottery using gauze pads from my first IVF cycle which my kids will someday eat and drink out of.
I think when the day comes, you will know, but I suspect, if I were you, I’d want to start fresh and let go of all the pain asociated with the past.
Or perhaps it would bring encouragment, remembering how you held on to a dream, suppose it’s all about what associations are the strongest.
I would donate them all and start afresh xxx
Give them away! Don’t keep them…and I am sorry for you loss. Benjamin is a beautiful name.
Good Luck for September.
ICLW
Hey Ginger
Sorry I only saw this posting now, I too had draws full of googies, toys, clothes etc, but at the end of the day they became such painful reminders and I felt that those goodies belonged to those babies and not to the actual living breathing baby I would eventually had so I made the decision to donate them. I no longer buy baby things and my friends and family know not to give me baby stuff either, I will buy when the time is right but not before.
(((hugs)))
i still have a package of onesies that i bought for our first loss and are still in the bottom drawer. i never used them on our son as i felt they were not bought for him, but rather the baby not with us. of course my son now wears a ton of hand me downs and consignment finds, but never those onesies.
hope you get to hold your baby in your arms soon and can dress it in whatever you want too.
(((hugs)))
I know I am late, but I had a couple of things intended for Ernest that LB eventually got. I like that she was using her older brother’s things.
Like you said, you will know when the time comes.
hi, I am visiting from ICLW…No. 3 to say hello and to check out your blog.
I am so sorry for your loss and this decision (s).
Heartbreaking beyond measure.
I have been there too and I honestly think keep your options open.
I gave away a few baby things and returned others to the store.
A few things I kept for a while longer.
We had boys after we lost our daughter so I knew it wasn’t so much of an issue.
I didn’t buy anything for my twins till really late just in case …
My Little Drummer Boys
I am so very sorry for your loss. I’ve never been able to bring myself to buy any clothes. But if I did, I don’t think I would ever get rid of them. I would have bought them with the intention that they were going to be for my family. Period.
If your not sure I think you should take a little more time to think about it. Your true feelings will surface in time.
Hugs.
iclw