Yesterday’s post got me thinking. Actually, it made me feel sad.
I really am a strong person (I promise), but the situation I described yesterday has shaken me a little. When I got back to my hotel room last night I had a large cry, which has made me feel a lot better today, but brought a whole lot of unresolved feelings to the surface. These feelings definitely come from my youth, and I would definitely say that they have shaped my view of men in the present day. I’m not going to share details of the past with you as the experience I refer to was horrible and I am WILL not open myself up for criticism or blame. What I can say is that ‘IT’ involved a man taking what he thought he deserved from me, subsequently changing my views on men drastically.
You don’t have to understand what I am saying; just listen to my point of view. My question is, why do some men think that you should be complimented by their attention? I do not have to be flattered because you find me attractive. A woman has the right to remain ‘quietly beautiful’ inside and outside and be admired and appreciated from a distance. She does not NEED you to tell her that she is appealing to you. It is not your right as a man to loudly air your views on this matter. I understand that amongst your friends you may discuss your likes and dislikes – as men do. But I feel that a REAL man will subtly test the waters before he jumps in. And if he is arrogant enough to jump in, he needs to get the hell out, if the water proves itself to be cold. None of your manipulation is going to make that water warmer.
I can’t stand the idea that woman want or need to be complimented by a man. That we have such a low sense of self that we need to be blatantly told that we are beautiful. Yes it is nice to be acknowledged, but is it really that difficult to know where the boundaries are?
Men, you have a responsibility! You hold our trust and our sense of safety in your hands. This gives you power, don’t abuse it! A real man makes a woman feel like she is in control. He makes her feel protected, but never does he make her feel weak! He admires from a distance and takes his cues wisely.
Now I know that some of you are thinking ‘Yeah, right!’ Boys will be boys and men will be men! And I do agree with you. But there is a time and a place for all types of behaviour. Conditions have to assessed and considered.
I can’t stomach aggressive men. I can’t!
Anyone got anything to add?
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: men, past, relationships
Hey!
I’ve just read both posts and I think that the exec chef is completely out of line – regardless of whether he thinks you’re attractive or not ( you are gorg! ) he really should keep to himself, I mean it’s not rocket science after you’ve “rejected” him on the grounds and like duh you wear a wedding ring for gosh sakes!
Sometimes men just are arseholes – sorry this incident is making you feel unsafe.
xxx
I agree with Sam. He is out of line. Perhaps a more hardcore rejection is necessary??? Maybe he’s just really thick and hasn’t picked up on the vibe yet?
Either way he’s a dumbass!!!!!!!!
I don’t know Sian, it feels like his a bit psychotic. I would say that you need to make it very clear that you are not interested. Maybe take the polite route first and explain to him that it’s bothering you. But please let someone you trust wait somewhere close. Please be careful not to humiliate him in public, if he’s the thick skinned bully like he sounds that would not be ideal. And he might want to retaliate. If that does not help, you will have to speak to his boss, or the owner of the hotel. The person who appointed you guys should also know that he is becoming a problem, if no-one takes you seriously, threaten to get on the next plane and leave for SA. Can’t DJ come join you up there? In my younger days I’ve had a stalker and he just would not get the hint or the message. They think that if they persist for long enough you’ll give in. Almost like your no means yes.
I hope things resovle themselves soon. Trust you instincts at all times.
The problem is that some women like aggressive men, and some women don’t like it but eventually get worn down. If it works sometimes, the guys figure that they might as well keep trying.
Personally I never cared for the opposite either — guys with no confidence.
My husband is sometimes shy, sometimes cock of the walk! But when we first met, he was verrrry cautious not to take any liberties. It was adorable.
Glad you’re getting out of there early!