I’ve been feeling very tender lately, very why me? A little angry, a little sour.
I was okay last week and then there was a baby shower on Sunday. I didn’t go in the end even though I promised myself I would……………..and then I just couldn’t do it. The mom-to-be completely understood which was good because it would have made me feel worse if she didn’t. Then yesterday evening we went to the Barnyard theatre with a group of friends. I sat next to the 37 week pregnant mom to be. I felt the baby hiccuping in her tummy and then moving around because of all the loud music.
And then on the way home it started to nibble at me. The guilt at not being ‘normal’ enough to give your wonderful husband a child. The amount of friends that have had thier first and then second child, while we stand and smile politey on the sidelines. The ‘just relax’ coments and the deep deep hurt I feel. This is just NOT fair. And then I want stop feeling this way. I want to share in their joy like a normal person. I just feel so abnormal.
And then comes that dam donor issue. As if I don’t feel useless enough……..Sorry, your genetics just won’t do!
What did I do to deserve this? …………and all those CRAP questions that can’t be answered.
BBBBLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: infertility sucks
Ah no Honey! I am soo soo sorry you’re feeling so awful!!
Just please know that you helped me soo soo much on Thursday, you are not useless you give soo much love, support & hope to many.
I just wish I could say some miracle phrase that would make you feel better but just know that I value you and I think you’re a really really special person!!!
The only wisdom I can offer right now:
I know that it feels like you’re the only one left out right now. But there are so many of us who have been exactly where you are, and some who may even be there right now. On behalf of all of us, I will
BBBLLLLLLLAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! along with you.
Take care.
I can so relate, I’m also going through one of those why me patches and also how many more times do I disappoint my poor husband!?
Hang in there! (((Hugs)))
*hug* It isn’t fair at all.
Sian, this is the ever eternal question that we’ll only get the answer to long down the line… I wish it was easier and I wish I could help you shoulder this pain.
I am here for you. I am listening. And like Babysmiling I am all BBBLLLLLLLAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!! right along side of you.
Keep your chin up!
HUGS!
xxx
Hi Sian,
Totally understanding!! All I can say is – lots of hugs!!!!